Two Points for Honesty

This morning, I’m thinking back to the time that an ex of mine, the one who brought me to Rhode Island and whom I dated for almost three years, played me the Guster song “Two Points for Honesty” and told me it was about me.

If that’s all you will be, you’ll be a waste of time
You’ve dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind;
Two points for honesty, it must make you sad to know that
Nobody cares at all.

Guster, “Two Points for Honesty”

This is one of those songs that you can listen to and it can kick your butt into gear if you’re in the right mindset. I think it’s a bit of a different story when you use it to tell your boyfriend he’s a worthless sack of shit because at 27 he hadn’t realized what he wanted to do with his life yet.

And you know, this was when I was trying to just get by in a new city that (at first) I hated, where I knew no one, where I first started working freelance and got my first paying jobs doing web design. (I wasn’t good, but I was doing it, I was trying to start doing something.)

But then, nothing I did or could do would’ve ever been enough for her. And that’s okay! Not everyone is meant to be together.

I don’t care if you’re 20 or 60. It’s never too late to find out who you want to be or what you want to do, and even when you do, it could all change a year later. You’re not a waste of time, and don’t let anyone tell you that you are.

And anyway, we’re all just little ants crawling on the tiniest of rocks in space, pretending like this all means something cosmically, so really, don’t take it all too seriously…

…but, seriously, fuck you Felicia.

Burning Down the House used to suck up a ton of my time. I spent days, nights, and weekends on the site, writing up incessantly boring treatises on emotional fallout, movie reviews, and experimental journaling, not to mention the usual mundanity of life (such as what I ate that day and what celebrity I found attractive that week).

Looking back at the beginnings of my online journal, one would never have guessed that I would eventually begin to turn essay-writing into a career. And in fact, it’s something I still struggle with (those of you reading this probably still don’t know who I am). However, if you followed my progress on Livejournal, you’d see someone who eventually wants to write more, and write better.

I never even knew I loved writing until years after I began writing on the site. Eventually, I built my own crappy little webpage, and began writing there. Since then, I’ve had dozens of blogs, writing things both longform and short form, yet it never occurred to me that I should really be improving my craft and maybe start doing it full time.

That all changed with an essay I wrote on how much technology has changed in my lifetime. I used to have an 8086 PC, a Commodore PC-10 III that was one of the early IBM clones. I used that (and later an Epson 286) to get online to local BBSes and, eventually, the pre-web Internet. I had an email address in 1992, just from one of the BBSes I was on, and I saw some really interesting technologies come and go during my early years on the Internet. It turned out this was a fascinating topic for a lot of people who read that essay, so I figured, “why not turn this into a book?”

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